Supervillains and the pope

 Villains come in many forms (mostly in spandex and with a penchant for leaving clues for their heinous crimes), but even they need a certain role model in their lives. Without going to villain community college, or evil technical school, one might look to a certain historical figure for guidance. They've got to be dogmatic, evil, rich as fuck, and also strive for world domination. I humbly propose the pope.

    So you'll say sure Brian, the pope is a position, not a person. And sure I agree the popes hardly a person, but I'll go ahead and give the entirety of the position possible supervillain status. I'm not talking about being a dick to a telemarketer evil (cause we all do that). First you have to be truly evil. Even the most current pope thinks condoms are aggravating AIDS in Africa, that child sexual abuse was okay in the 70s , and a certain unflattering picture has comeout.
   Okay so the guys evil. But super evil? Villains are like, woah that dudes really fucking evil, evil! You've got to work for that. You've got to make other deranged people actually follow you, and do your evil biddings. Now that takes talent. Lets see if Pope Benedict stands up to the challenge.


First off, you're gonna need a big throne to shout down evil orders from. If thats not your style, just mumble latin things and look evil. You cold pope.

Next up, who are you gonna shout (or mumble) your orders to? Henchmen, underlings, followers, whatever you want to call them. Give them the false hope of later being promoted to head honcho and they'll do anything! But beware, you'll end up giving them too big of responsibilities and they'll inevitably fuck it all up.

Eventually your unmarried henchmen will molest some droids and you'll have to punish them (maybe I'm getting my stories confused here). You'll have to bitch slap them. You're the boss. But what seperates you from these lowely villains? Your boss ass weapon. Magic powers and a cape doesn't hurt either.

Being evil does have its drawbacks. People try to like kill you and shit. Staffs and magic are great and all, but what you really need is a bulletproof ride (the force will only go so far). And if you're gonna get shot at, why do it looking like a nerd? You're gonna want to keep the whip clean.

Last but not least, supervillains don't just go around in normal clothes. There is no casual friday when you're trying to run the world. Why you ask? Well thats a good question. But you just don't. Wearing a tshirt doesn't translate to I have superpowers very well. If you've got it flaunt it amiright pope?

Your outfit is infallible by comic book standards, and for that, you have proved yourself a

super villain

From Ashes to Masses to Ashes* some rules apply

Rule books suck. In fact, most really really long books suck. Well the Catholics understand this and realized an opportunity to make a, wait for it, giant rule book . It's called the Catechism of the Catholic Church, and despite the Popes raving review "A sure and certain standard for the teaching of the faith." It is quite the page turner, all 846 of them. On Amazon you can buy one for about 4 bucks which is roughly 3 cents per irony by my estimations.


  Rules, rules rules, they begin roughly when you're born, and don't quit when you die. Keeping your cremated loved ones is wrong. Spreading their ashes (despite their wishes), is wrong. You must bury their cremated remains.

   From the Catechism...
"the practice of scattering cremated remains on the sea, from the air, or on the ground, or keeping cremated remains in the home of a relative or friend of the deceased are not the reverent disposition that the Church requires."


Why might you ask? Because of their belief that mens bodies will be resurrected....


So remember kids, just cause your heart stopped, your body is incinerated and your bones are pulverized doesn't mean you can just go all willy nilly do and whatever you want.. 

courtesy of independent.ie

Catholicism is a very

Catholocism is a very old, odd, and curious form of religion. It's followers orignate from Rome, Its mass is sometimes spoken in Latin, its leaders wear capes, and you tell your deepest darkest secrets to your "father" in a strange wooden box in return for a playbook of prayers. If you've grown up in this type of church, this all may seem very well and normal, but to me its really bizarre!

Credits: Sabo/News

                

  In America we have a tradition of picking relatively young, charismatic, and handsome leaders. Not so much in the Vatican City. In fact, the object is to put the most religous bling possible onto the oldest Cardinal still standing. Voila, a pope is born. But hey, I still want Catholics to read this thing so I'm sure we can find some commonground in the awesomeness of wine and the popemoblie?

  All in all the Catholic church is a trip and I intend to write on everything from the unjust to the ironic. Post up on what you'd like to see form this blog (and or never see again). This should be good...