Supervillains and the pope

 Villains come in many forms (mostly in spandex and with a penchant for leaving clues for their heinous crimes), but even they need a certain role model in their lives. Without going to villain community college, or evil technical school, one might look to a certain historical figure for guidance. They've got to be dogmatic, evil, rich as fuck, and also strive for world domination. I humbly propose the pope.

    So you'll say sure Brian, the pope is a position, not a person. And sure I agree the popes hardly a person, but I'll go ahead and give the entirety of the position possible supervillain status. I'm not talking about being a dick to a telemarketer evil (cause we all do that). First you have to be truly evil. Even the most current pope thinks condoms are aggravating AIDS in Africa, that child sexual abuse was okay in the 70s , and a certain unflattering picture has comeout.
   Okay so the guys evil. But super evil? Villains are like, woah that dudes really fucking evil, evil! You've got to work for that. You've got to make other deranged people actually follow you, and do your evil biddings. Now that takes talent. Lets see if Pope Benedict stands up to the challenge.


First off, you're gonna need a big throne to shout down evil orders from. If thats not your style, just mumble latin things and look evil. You cold pope.

Next up, who are you gonna shout (or mumble) your orders to? Henchmen, underlings, followers, whatever you want to call them. Give them the false hope of later being promoted to head honcho and they'll do anything! But beware, you'll end up giving them too big of responsibilities and they'll inevitably fuck it all up.

Eventually your unmarried henchmen will molest some droids and you'll have to punish them (maybe I'm getting my stories confused here). You'll have to bitch slap them. You're the boss. But what seperates you from these lowely villains? Your boss ass weapon. Magic powers and a cape doesn't hurt either.

Being evil does have its drawbacks. People try to like kill you and shit. Staffs and magic are great and all, but what you really need is a bulletproof ride (the force will only go so far). And if you're gonna get shot at, why do it looking like a nerd? You're gonna want to keep the whip clean.

Last but not least, supervillains don't just go around in normal clothes. There is no casual friday when you're trying to run the world. Why you ask? Well thats a good question. But you just don't. Wearing a tshirt doesn't translate to I have superpowers very well. If you've got it flaunt it amiright pope?

Your outfit is infallible by comic book standards, and for that, you have proved yourself a

super villain